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It doesn’t matter that the January transfer window is now so last month – the roar of football rumours never quietens. Just this week, the word filtering from boardrooms to the streets is that Matthew Upson may yet swap Stoke for Shanghai, Milos Krasic Juventus for Chelsea, and Arsenal’s dinky little fashion designer, Andrey Arshavin, may be required to watch his tennis matches in Russia from now on – Anzhi Makhachkala have expressed an interest. Bang on cue, the Life’s A Pitch panel rolls up their sleeves, and rate the rumours from one to 10 – with 10 being a dead cert, one being utter nonsense.

First up, Martin Lipton of the Daily Mirror shines a spotlight on Matthew Upson’s mooted move from Stoke to Shanghai Shenhua. “That’s one Chinese takeaway I’m not buying,” he quips. “I think Stoke’s already a long way from home for Matthew, so it’s just not going to happen. If you could have a minus out of 10, I’d give that a minus one.”

David Walker of the Sunday Mirror is similarly unconvinced by the rumours linking Juventus man Milos Krasic with Chelsea. “I’d give it about a zero – he’s a senior player, he’s for sale, but Juve don’t want to loan him out, they want to do a permanent deal. I don’t see it happening.”

One move that may happen involves Arshavin heading back to Russia, but perhaps not with Anzhi, as has been suggested. Former footballer and journalist Adrian Clarke explains: “The writing’s on the wall at Arsenal – the fans have had enough of Arshavin. I think the squad has grown tired of him, and Wenger has accepted that his time is up. I don’t think he’ll go to Anzhi, though, because he’s a Zenit St Petersburg fan. It’d be like Thierry Henry going to Man City over Arsenal. A move to Anzhi I’d give a two, to Zenit nine and a half.”

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